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Summer Daze

Summer

I saw it today. I was going through my junk mail — not so much "going through" as shuffling together to throw into the recycling — when I saw an ad saying, in giant letters, "BACK TO SCHOOL!" What? What?

These reminders always seem to pop up when the summer is at its zenith, pun totally intended.

In stores all around, there's nothing sadder than seeing a cardboard cutout of a yellow sun wearing sunglasses (what's up with that?) being taken down, slightly bent, and put in the back to make way for the big red apple on display with shiny white teeth (also, what is up with that?). But you’ll find no such thing at Teeporium.

Whether you're going back to school or not, those ads signify something universal — the end of summer. Winter is coming. That's it. It was fun while it lasted. I already feel chilly when I go outside now (maybe I'm just paranoid).

We have to take advantage of T-shirt season while we still have the chance. Let your arms be free because we won't have this opportunity again for 75% of the year. But you can always bring back the trend of double layering a T-shirt over a long sleeve. Bring back that 90s cool! Apparently fashion goes in cycles anyway so I'm sure we're due for it soon (also go-go boots).

Or maybe you’re one of those people who are just waiting for the sun to burn out (still a few billion years to go there, buddy, be patient) so that you won’t have to suffer through a farmer’s tan. But look on the bright side — from far away, it looks like you’re wearing a shirt! For a more urban take on this type of tan line, use a V-neck as your template. Or, if you want to avoid it altogether, here are some tips:

1. Never go outside. I am well-versed in this method and can tell you that it does the trick. A word of caution, sunlight will still do its best to stream in through windows. As a preventative measure, consider relocating to the basement or an underground bunker. Unless you can't get Wi-Fi reception there, which is a deal breaker.

2. Specifically always getting burns on the back of your neck? Wear a baseball cap backwards. Not only guaranteed cool, but the brim may do some shielding, as this is supposedly its purpose. Alternatively, this can be remedied in the form of turtleneck T-shirts. Somehow, the idea hasn't really taken off yet, but I know it's just a matter of time. You heard it here first!

3. I dunno, sunscreen? Just as a last resort. It probably won’t be like, really effective or anything.

Featured this month are some shirts that will remind you that although summer may be fleeting, it will always live on in our hearts (I’m not crying, it’s just raining on my face).

Warm up and cool down with Hot in Here? and Chill To Perfection by Mr. Slogan , Sky's Illusion by Taylor, Sun Shine by Valeriu J, and finish it off with Summer's End by Fren Mah.

Until next time, reduce, reuse, and recycle (especially your junk mail).


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